


Your Best just isn’t good enough…

by Paradigmenwechsel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: The past can be a burden for the rest of ones life…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6644zraKFYg (perfect fit to that theme)





	Your Best just isn’t good enough…

**Author's Note:**

> It is a Little bit Abstract, i guess....but well... ^^!
> 
> But as usual no native and no beta but enjoy, or not... i don't judge. ^^P

Your Best just isn’t good enough… SPN FF

_“God damn it DEAN KEEP him quiet!” John yelled at his older Son sitting at the other side of the room and trying to cradle his Baby Brother who had become fussy and fidgety in his small child arms._  
_Dean had tried for hours to have Sammy distracted and silent but he just couldn’t get him to rest and the little boy had started to become too heavy to be held about an hour ago…_

_“Damn it DEAN IM trying my BEST HERE, you could help at least a little bit and GET HIM to Sleep!”_  
_John yelled again, just stirring little Sammy’s restlessness which the baby boy had started that horrible night they had lost their mother._

These nights were bad and Dean remembered.

# ***

“Heh, you ok?” Sam questioned at his slightly absent Brother.

“Uhm?”

“You ok?” Sam repeated with a worried frown on his forehead.

“..I’m good..” Dean hurried to reassure, and although Sam wasn’t convinced he left it at this and changed the subject back to their research.

# ***

_“Focus at the centre, do not close your eyes yet…” John explained in Detail and Dean was eager to follow every given help, not used to have that luxury of actually being taught._  
_Mostly his Father just threw his first son into the situation, leaving the young boy to deal with what ever would come at him._  
_It was rare to have John actually teaching something._  
_Dean was easy this way. Never asking questions, taking in what ever was forced on him. Saving every newly action, because he had to since John wasn’t patient and he wasn’t one to tell twice._

__

_It was one of the reasons his Father and Sam were fighting so often._  
_Sam didn’t accept plain orders, didn’t followed given commands and he always had to ask, always doubting their Father, always wanting to know more and Dean hated his Brother for that attitude._

_They had fought, fiercely and desperate because of that, Dean still trying to keep Sammy at bay, trying to have him quiet like he had been ordered so many years ago._

_But more and more since Sammy could walk, the older Winchester boy was failing…_

Those days were bad, and Dean remembered…

# ***

Castiel pushed the older Hunter aside throwing him onto the forest floor but out of the solid black spike aiming right at him.  
The forceful impact on the ground ripped the air out of Deans lungs and he grunted, for a second loosing his focus and orientation.

“DEAN!” Sam yelled, deep worry in his voice although busy fighting off some of those black gooish Creatures himself.

His view was still a bit dizzy but Dean managed to get up and actually reach for the wooden stick that was supposed to help with these, what ever they were.  
Dean hadn’t really listened at Sam’s long going explanation, except the part on how to kill them.

# ***

_“SAM ENOUGH!” John sounded angry and as much as Dean tried to deny it he was as well._  
_They were about to go on a Hunt, they were about to be at high risk and damn he didn’t need Sam to make it even more complicated and made their Father loosing his focus._

_Without thinking twice Dean pushed his younger Sibling to the Motelroom wall while John turned to prep their stuff and pack the car, putting it on Dean to handle his constantly complaining and distracting Brother._

_Dean wasn’t gentle, he wasn’t soft and the hard, resounding hit to the younger ones face had Sam slumping to the ground, holding his cheek and with big teary eyes looking up at his angry older Sibling._

_Dean did feel guilty and sorry but he had to stop Sam from fighting, had to stop him from asking over and over again, he had to end the younger ones ‘raging’ about being left behind._

_It was never easy to do that, Dean told himself, but what else was he supposed to do, admitting that Sam’s questioning was just stirring his own fears, his worries…_  
_He didn’t need that, he had to be focused and concentrated, he had to be without doubt…, his own life was depending on that…_

_Sam was sitting on the ground, crying, not making a single sound anymore, because at this moment, he was afraid of Dean._

These teary pale green eyes were a nightmare, and Dean would never forgive or forget…  
No, Dean remembered…

# ***

Sam hissed at the contact with that alcohol soaked tissue with which Dean was trying to clean that huge open gap across his Brothers cheek right beneath his eye.  
It had been a close call, just an inch higher and it would have been real bad.  
Dean tried not to think about it...and to calm his shaking hands…

“Pff, don’t be such a sissy.” He teased instead as Cass re entered the Brothers Motel Room, packed with the ordered Items, needed because of the Angels ineffective Healing abilities this time.

# ***

_Johns hit was hard and Dean felt his neck cracking as he almost flew into the Rooms Corner._  
_He had fucked up, Dean knew that._  
_And while he was feeling his nerve ends burning in pain from his own injuries from last hunt and his Fathers current fearful rage, all the dark blond teen could think about was his mistake, his failure that had Sam laying at the Emergency ward in some random Hospital on the way._

_Deep down Dean knew, understood that he deserved this punishment, deep down, the young boy was maybe craving it…_

The Pain was immanent now, a constant part of the Winchester Hunter, one he burdened every day of his life. Dean remembered…

# ***

“Dean, heh. You’re coming?” Sam questioned as his Brother was hesitating, standing next to baby and not moving at all.

He was staring into the distance.

“You’re really ok?” Sam got a little bit closer as Dean still wasn’t reacting.

“It was close this time.” The Hunter seemed lost in thoughts.  
“Isn’t it always?” Sam questioned, slightly touching the sensitive spot of the still not closed gap that had cost him three days in high fever due to an unknown poison these last Monsters had been pervaded with.

“I’m trying my best Sam…, I am trying…” Dean stated into the chilly night air.  
Sam smiled sadly, looking at his broken Brother staring into the dark.

“i know Dean…, i know...” Sam whispered unheard, not getting closer or trying to support his Sibling.

Because…, Sam did remember too…

End…


End file.
